


The Love We Think We Deserve

by Sword_Eye



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bipolar Disorder, Blowjobs, Depression, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Penetrator!Even, Penetrators, Recreational Drug Use, Shotgunning, Skater!Isak, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 10:26:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11183166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sword_Eye/pseuds/Sword_Eye
Summary: In which Even is a Penetator, Isak likes to skate and they've both become a little lost along the way.





	The Love We Think We Deserve

Even gets a crush.

Song: Under your spell by Desire.

 

Saturday, 22:00

 “Ok but.. who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?”

Even stared at Chris incredulously for a moment before releasing a startled laugh.

He was feeling buzzed.

“Ok, that’s enough for you idiot”, scoffed Mikael, seizing the blunt from Chris’ slack hand to take a drag himself before exhaling into the growing cloud.

William merely grunted in a vague expression of amusement, continuing to scrutinise the room. Though he was technically throwing the party he was secluded in the corner with the three of them; despite being the unofficial ‘leader’ of the Penetrators William did not enjoy the centre of attention. 

“I’m going for a drink”, Even announced grasping William’s hand and pulling him into a half hug. He was keen on continuing his buzz, and was feeling more hyped than the other three who seemed content to lounge on the outskirts for now.

“Penetrator Even on the prowl!”, Mikael called after him with Chris howling beside him. Even saluted them with a smirk before dispersing into the crowded house.

He managed to steer his way to the kitchen, winding through crowding partygoers.

“Even!”, Elias grinned as he entered, pulling him into a hug.

“Hey Man”, Even smirked. “ _Hi_ Anna”, he greeted the girl whose throat Elias’ tongue had been down moments before he walked in.

Anna blushed, giggling as she turned away. Elias looked extremely pleased with himself.

After pouring himself a beer he didn’t linger for too long; the two of them not even having the courtesy to wait until he left the room before they continued their previous activities. Even rolled his eyes at them as he left.

He manoeuvred around people sitting chatting, and climbed over others laying making out, on the stairs to get to the second floor.

Even strolled down the hall, an easy self-assured gait to his steps. As he moved he was greeted by friends and acquaintances, stopping to exchange pleasantries and small talk now and again.

He spotted one of Elias’ drug hook-ups lounging on a couch. As quickly as Even had decided upon seeing if he could score something a little harder he blinked away suddenly, hands reaching out to steady the body which had just stumbled into him. Or perhaps Even had stumbled into it, he _had_ been distracted.

“Oh sor…”, a familiar, cheerful voice trailed off.

Sonja was peering up at him, face sliding from an easy smile to slack suprise.

_“Two months without a girlfriend and you’ve become just as bad as the rest of them. Swanning around like you own everything and everyone. Wearing the name ‘Penetrator’ like a badge of honour! As if that’s something to be proud of”_

Their last conversation flickered through his mind. The sneering in her voice and derision across her face seeming so strange, so foreign to him at the time.

Even felt frozen as they stared at one each other for a long moment.

“Even-“

“-I have to go”, he muttered quickly, cutting her off. He moved around her and walked quickly towards the doors of the upstairs balcony, downing his drink and discarding the cup as he went; the room had become suddenly very warm and stuffy.

He was such a coward.

There was someone already on the balcony but Even didn’t care, he walked to the railing leaning onto his arms and began fumbling with his lighter and cigarettes. He eventually got one lit before he took a long drag, exhaling slowly as he stared into the darkness of the night.

He noticed that the someone was a boy, a rather hot boy with blonde hair curling out from beneath a red snap-back, perched backwards on his head, and that he was watching Even. Even raised an eyebrow in amusement, but the boy didn’t look away. He took a drink while continuing to watch over the rim of his cup, tilting his chin in a challenge.

Even huffed out a laugh, vaguely charmed by his stubbornness.

“Hi”, he said.

“Hello”

There was a pause and Even laughed again, “Great conversation”

And the boy with his bowed lips laughed too. Even couldn’t help but watch his throat as it moved.

“You want some?”, he offered his cigarette toward him, but the other boy raised his hands in refusal.

“Nah, it’s chill”, he declined. “I don’t smoke. Or well.. not cigarettes anyway”, he smirked a little, glancing away.

Even was watching his throat again. He wanted to hear more of that laugh.

“Ah..”, he whispered faux conspiratorially. “I get how it is”. Even flicked his cigarette over the balcony, despite the fact he’d barely smoked any of it. He pulled a metal box out of his jacket pocket.

Even glanced at the boy as he rolled them a joint; he appeared bewildered, though not at all unhappy about the turn of events, smiling with eyes gleaming.

“Tada!”, Even announced when he had finished, lighting the joint between his teeth with a flourish.

The boy laughed, finishing off his drink and tossing a crumpled plastic cup over the edge of the balcony.

“Are you always this dramatic?”, the boy was asking, his lips quirked in amusement.

“Me?”, Even spoke loudly and with purposeful exaggeration, causing more of the boy’s laughter.

Even sat on the floor of the balcony and the boy followed his lead, sliding down the wall beside him.

“Yes you”, he snorted quietly, taking the joint that Even handed him.

Even watched as he took a slow drag, his neck flexing as he released it. He realised then that he was probably more drunk than he had thought, as his vision blurred a little before he blinked away the distortion.

Even thought about asking why the other boy was out here alone but decided against it; he might ask why Even was out on the balcony also, and he didn’t much feel like thinking about that.

“What’s your name?”, Even questioned, turning away from him and aiming for casual.

“Isak”, he replied, handing the joint back. Their fingers brushed, and Isak held on for an unnecessary moment too long.

“You?”, he almost whispered as he let go. Even wondered if perhaps Isak was as drunk as he was.

“I’m Even”

There was another pause and Even began to realise Isak wasn’t much of a talker. Or perhaps he was just shy, or maybe one of those people who become quiet and thoughtful when they’re high.

Even glanced at him only to realise the other boy was already looking at him, a strange unreadable expression on his face.

“Are you philosophical when you’re stoned?”, Even blurted out suddenly.

Isak furrowed his eyebrows, huffing out a laugh.

He didn’t break eye contact.

“Maybe I’m just always philosophical”, he challenged, narrowing his eyes playfully.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm”

Isak licked his lips and Even’s eyes were drawn uncontrollably to the movement.

“What do you philosophise about then?”

“The universes”

“Universes? Plural?”, Even laughed a little, incredulous but curious.

“Ofcourse!”, Isak rolled his eyes, but there was something strangely fond in his smile.

“Oh”, Even whispered.

Their faces where so close he could _feel_ Isak’ breath against his lips, and could count every one of his impossibly long eyelashes if he’d wanted to; though he was sure that might take him hours. Even mov-

“Even!”

Seb was shouting as he burst through the glass doors of the balcony; he sounded relieved. “There you are man!”

“Uh..yeah man”, he blustered, running his hand over his face.

Isak had shifted away slightly now, face turned away from him and towards the darkness beyond the balcony.

Seb didn’t seem to register the sudden shift in mood or either of their slightly awkward glances away from one another. He was instead stood at the door casting looks back inside towards the party.

“Place has been busted, fucking neighbours called the cops with noise complaints”, Seb complained, voice slurring a little.

He looked a little unsteady on his feet also, supporting himself with the door.

 “Mikael was saying you had stuff on you”, his bloodshot eyes locked with Even’s own likely equally enflamed ones.

“Shit!”, Even hissed, standing abruptly. He ran a hand through his hair in agitation, mind in over drive, completely diverted from the tension with Isak.

What the fuck was he going to do?

“Fuck, they’re upstairs already”, Seb sounded alarmed, glancing at Even then back inside.

Even could hear the blood rushing in his ears now, any high he’d manage to achieve had been entirely sobered in a matter of seconds. His parents were going to kill him. A life inside Juvie flashed before his eyes; bunk beds, bars over the windows, bland processed meals. There was no fucking wa-

“You’re going to have to jump.”

They both gaped down at Isak. Even had almost forgotten he was even there.

“Jump?”, Isak reiterated, over pronouncing the word at their dumb-founded looks. “Over the balcony.”

“That’s..”, began Seb slowly, brow furrowed in consideration, “.. not the worst idea ever?”

Isak stood then, gazing over the edge.

“You could definitely make it onto that terrace from here”, Isak was pointing towards the small, flat area diagonal from the balcony. “Then climb down that tree, escape through the bushes and it’s a Narcos episode.”

Isak turned back to them with a slow grin. Even felt strangely transfixed on him for a moment; maybe he _was_ still drunk, that could be it.

“You haven’t got time to think about it anymore Even”, hissed Seb, shutting the door and stepping back inside quickly.

“Hello Officer!”, he could hear Seb shouting overdramatically from behind the glass doors. “How can I help you this evening?”

“Fuck”, whispered Even, standing close to the railings and peering over the edge. His eyes were drawn uncontrollably to the ground.

“Hey”, murmured Isak, suddenly very close at his side. “You’ll be fine”

He was offering an earnest smile and Even found himself stuck staring at him, not for the first time tonight. Even shut his eyes, breathing deeply.

He snapped them open again just as quickly.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Penetrators don’t get shook by heights or attractive boys.

“Yeah whatever”, Even stated coolly, chuckling a little at Isak’s concern. They didn’t even know each other for fuck sake.

He jumped the balcony without a second thought. It was a regular Narcos episode.

 

Sunday, 08:30

*Fuck Jay-Z                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                What's up niggas, hey yo,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I know you ain't talking 'bout me dog  
 You, what?  
 Fuck Jay-Z…*

Even groaned, rolling onto his side as he fumbled for his phone beneath the pillow.

He was rubbing at his eyes blearily while he silenced the alarm, wincing at the dull throbbing at the base of his skull.

He sat up groggily, before slowly hitching his legs over the edge of the bed. He winced again when he put weight on his calves; he hadn’t landed very elegantly from that tree.

Even pushed himself to his feet.

Quickly he grabbed a pair of shorts and pulled on a worn t-shirt which looked like it _might_ be clean. He shoved his feet into trainers and stumbled from his room, still feeling a little unsteady on his feet.

When using the bathroom he didn’t linger too long in front of the mirror, certain that he looked about as good as he felt. He grabbed his medication from the cabinet, swallowing the pills on his way downstairs as he ambled to the front door, stretching his aching muscles a little as he went.

Once outside he began a relaxed jog down the street, aware his body would only be able to handle a slow pace this morning. He began a steady rhythm.

The brisk morning air soon shocked the sluggishness from his eyes and mind, as well as offering a welcome coolant to his burning muscles.

He slid earphones into his ears, drowning out the silence with a solid beat, rhythmic melody and the distinct bars of ice-cube. Even found that silence often only fostered loud and messy thoughts.

*Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God  
 I don't know but today seems kinda odd  
 No barking from the dogs, no smog…*

Even ran and ran and ran. And he could feel sweat beginning to gather on his forehead, his lungs starting to burn, his feet aching in protest.

And he kept running.

He spotted William, as he usually did somewhere along his normal route around this time, and removed an earphone before offering a fist bump as he jogged to his side. He met his pace so that they were running along-side one another.

“Yo”

“Hi”, William offered a smile, but Even knew he wouldn’t get much more from him; William was far from communicative on a regular occasion, never mind during their morning runs. Even didn’t mind.

He wasn’t entirely sure why William ran.

Even ran because it cleared his head, helped control the chaos of his mind and organise his thoughts so that they made sense; so he didn’t become confused.

Even ran because getting up early meant he didn’t spend too much time in bed, which brought his mood down, causing his body to become lethargic and his thoughts to turn apathetic.

Even ran to give himself energy, so he didn’t have to rely on caffeine and sugar, which messed up his body’s chemical levels; sending him hyper, only to crash soon after.

Even ran because it was routine, it helped structure his life, if only a little. Even the only vague sense of order helping to calm his mind.

And when he went home, he would have breakfast. He would drink orange juice and milk, eat something starchy and fruit as well. His diet helping to keep his body’s fragile chemical balancing act in check, as well as being part of the structure.

Sure his meds worked pretty well but Even knew he needed more than them to keep himself stable, to keep himself _himself_. Plus the copious amounts of weed and alcohol he consumed on a regular basis surely weren’t going to supplement the pills; he figured it best to at least try balance it back out.

Even ran so that he didn’t lose his shit.

“Pick you up tomorrow?”, William asked, a little breathlessly.

“Yeah, see you then”, Even replied with a breathless grin of his own.

“Chill”, William smirked as their paths parted and they were running in different directions again.

Though he’d always had suspicions that there might be something going on in William’s head, behind those calm eyes; maybe he didn’t want to go crazy either.

 

Monday, 08:39

“You fuckers should have seen it, it was brilliant”

Even was laughing along.

“Jumping over the balcony?”, Mikael laughed, elbowing at Even’s arm from beside him. “That’s some crazy shit bro”

“It was inspired”, Seb grinned, rolling down his window and lighting a cigarette. “Like- like… a budget version of Narcos or some shit”

The others burst into raucous laughter at the comparison.

Even was laughing too, but his eyebrows furrowed a little at Seb’s choice of words the turn of phrase triggering something in hazy memories. His mind was now caught on the events Seb was relaying, attempting to fully remember what had happened through the haze of alcohol and weed, attempting to fill in the blanks and sharpen the blurs.

Seb was, of course, taking the credit for coming up with the jumping over the balcony idea. Christ, he’d basically stolen the blonde kid’s joke word for word as well.

Seb was pretty wasted at the time though from what Even could recall; but then Even was pretty wasted as well, so maybe his judgement wasn’t so reliable either. Either way he wouldn’t be surprised if Seb had genuinely forgotten that Even hadn’t been alone on the balcony, never mind who had actually came up with the idea that saved his ass.

Images of the kid’s eyelashes flashed in his mind for a moment and he blinked in surprise.

“… she was desperate as fuck I swear”, Chris was laughing from the front passenger seat, gesticulating animatedly. “It was almost a turn _off_ to be honest”

William grunted in the driver’s seat, glancing over at Chris with a raised brow before turning back to the road.

“Clearly not enough”, he grumbled, though there was teasing in his voice. “Saying as I walked into my _own_ room only to see _you_ getting your dick sucked”

“I said _almost_ didn’t I?”, Chris retorted defiantly, laughing harder now. “Gave the bitch my last hoody though, that’s another ten gone”

“Nice”, Seb snorted, reaching forward to respond to Chris’ request for a fist bump.

“She’s pretty hot yeah”, Mikael offered affirmation, though he was distracted by his phone, scrolling through facebook at Even’s side.

Even pushed a grin onto his face, forcing himself to pay attention to the stupid stories and playful taunting of his friends again. He couldn’t be bothered with his wandering mind this early in the morning.

“Fuck man, she really _must_ have been desperate if she got with _you_ ”

 

 Tuesday, 18:16

“Sorry man”, William was shrugging apologetically, though his face was impassive as ever. “She said she’d be ready”

Even rolled his eyes, flopping down onto the sofa.

“Whatever bro, it’s chill”, Even shrugged, before brightening up with a grin. “This could make up for two favours I owe you though”

William huffed a short laugh.

“Don’t count on it”, he smirked, striding off down the hall towards what, Even could only assume, was Noora’s room.

“Asshole”, Even grumbled after him, though there was no real heat in it.

He stretched out on the sofa, glancing around the room; which seemed to make up a living area and kitchen in one, with mild disinterest. After a few minutes and no further sign of William and Noora he sighed, taking his phone from his back pocket.

He opened a snapchat from some girl he’d hooked up with a few weeks ago. He rolled his eyes at the picture in which she was pouting and had deliberately included cleavage. Her tits weren’t nearly as big as she was making it seem; Even would know.

‘Hey Even ;)’ the caption read.

He almost felt embarrassed _for_ her. He didn’t reply.

He was scrolling through facebook listlesslessly when he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen again.

“Fucking finally”, he complained, without looking up from his phone; he’d clicked into a facebook link to an article about Donald Trump.

“Um… sorry?”, a soft voice replied in confusion.

Even’s eyes snapped up quickly.

It was the kid. The kid from the balcony. The fucking kid with the curls and the eyelashes and the lips.

He was dressed in a faded Wu-Tang Clan hoody that almost drowned his slim frame. His jeans were tight though, interestingly tight. He didn’t have a snapback on this time and his blonde hair was curling freely.

The boy’s eyebrows were furrowed and eyes clouded with confusion, but his lips were twitched in amusement.

Even was staring.

“Shit, sorry”, Even forced a chuckle, after a pause that was perhaps a moment too long. He dragged his eyes off of him.

“I thought you were William and Noora”, he explained, scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly.

“…I’m giving them a ride to some bar… or something… William will be drinking so he wouldn’t be able to drive home if he took his car…”, Even continued speaking, though more out of desire to avoid an awkward silence than to clarify himself.

“Chill”, the boy shrugged, seemingly unperturbed as he wandered to the fridge.

Even watched him as he was turned away for a while, realising that he must live here too with how comfortably he was rummaging through the fridge.

“So..”, he began, still turned away but with clear amusement lacing his voice. “You survived your… fall then.”

“Pfft”, Even huffed with exaggerated confidence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, I fucking _nailed_ that landing.”

Even was surprised by a pang of what almost felt like.. _relief_ at the fact the kid knew who he was. Even hadn’t even realised that somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d been thinking about the fact that he might not remember or recognise him.

He shook it off quickly as the boy turned around, coming to sit at the kitchen table with a bottle of some strangely coloured fruit concoction, grin spread across his face.

“Yeah?”, he laughed easily, raising his eyebrows. “If you say so”

Even grinned in return, biting at his lower lip.

He watched as the boy’s eyes tracked the movement from across the room, before they flitted away quickly.

“So..”, Even began after a pause, unexpectedly anxious for their conversation not to end. “… you like the Wu-Tang Clan?”

“This?”, he glanced down at his hoody, before shrugging nonchalantly. “Nah, just thought it looked cool.. You know, fashion or whatever”

Even rolled his eyes and was about to launch into a diatribe about the fashion industry’s hijacking of music artist branding for purely financial gain, before he caught the twinkle in the boy’s eyes and the way his mouth was twitching with attempts to hold back a smile.

“Just kidding”, the kid was smirking. “Yeah, 90’s hip-hop… it’s kind of like my thing, I guess”, he stated, shrugging with a smile.

Even couldn’t help but laugh a little as well.

“Oh yeah?”, he questioned. “You ever listen to Nas?”

“Nas?”, the boy’s eyebrows furrowed a little. “ _Nas_..Naas-“

“-I thought you said 90s hip-hop was ‘ _your thing’_ ”, Even interrupted, snickering at his poor attempts at pronunciation.

“I’ve heard of Nas!”, the boy huffed out petulantly. “I just… don’t listen to their stuff all that often”, he continued airily.

Even laughed again, eyes crinkling.

“You should check him out”, Even smiled; unable to stop smiling apparently. “I think you’d like him”

The boy opened his mouth to speak again, probably to continue his defence of his questionable appreciation of Nas. But Noora was breezing into the room then, interrupting whatever he was about to say.

“Sorry Even”, she spoke with a sincerity he’d only ever seen Noora able to manage.

Her eyes narrowed suddenly though as she spotted the boy sat at the kitchen table.

“ _Isak!_ ”, she huffed out in obvious annoyance.

Isak.

That was his fucking name.

“I knew it was you stealing all my drinks”, she continued, glaring at him.

“Sorry, sorry”, _Isak_ rolled his eyes, not sounding very sorry at all. “I’ll buy you more tomorrow... I _promise_ ”

She sighed, relenting in her irritated stare.

“I don’t know why I put up with you”, she was muttering, but her eyes were fond as Isak offered her a cheeky grin.

“You ready to go?”, William was speaking to Even as he sauntered into the room behind Noora.

“Am _I_ ready to go?”, Even raised an eyebrow, giving William a look.

“Hey Isak”, William completely ignored Even’s incredulous spluttering.

“Hi William”, Isak replied casually, taking another sip of his drink.

Even shook his head slightly to dispel the strange sense of... _something_ which washed over him at the realisation that they knew each other; at least by name.

“Come on, Jesus”, Even groaned, getting to his feet and heading for the door of the apartment.

He didn’t look back at Isak.

 

Tuesday, 23:47 

“Yeah baby, you like that?”

Even’s head was cocked to the side, his eyes squinted in bewilderment.

“Oh my god!”, the woman on the screen in front of him was moaning then, continuing in her ridiculously high pitched and exaggerated cadence.

Any hard-on Even had managed to achieve was quickly wilting as the beautiful woman on his laptop screen continued to be quite obviously dissatisfied by her partner; no matter how terribly she tried to hide it.

He clicked off of the video with a sigh.

He’d been searching around various sites for a while now but nothing he had stumbled upon could seem to hold his interest for too long. He persevered however.

Even had been feeling… _frustrated_ for most of the evening, to say the least. He needed to blow off steam, needed to release some of his pent up energy or he was afraid he might explode. So rather than giving up and going to sleep he continued looking.

It was becoming clear girls just weren’t doing it for him this evening so he altered his searches to more boy-only orientated stuff, stopping at a video of two boys who could be no older than twenty which piqued his interest slightly.

There wasn’t anything too unique about the video, no preamble or cringey set up, simply beginning with the two of them sprawled across a bed. If anything it was a little heavy with foreplay; lots of making out and heavy-petting. Even didn’t mind, cock already twitching with curiosity once again and breathing becoming a little heavier.

One of the guys had caught Even’s eye more than the other; blonde wayward hair, a little shorter than the other, a little thinner too, though neither by very much. His body wasn’t exactly athletic, but still visibly strong, with hard, flat planes and hints of muscle.

Even was stroking himself, keeping up with the lazy rhythm the two of them were persisting with, their hands on one another. He couldn’t help but speed up however, breathe hitching, when the blonde one rolled over the other, peppering kisses down his body before taking his cock into his mouth.

There was a shot then, from the point of view of the other boy, looking down upon the blonde one who was blinking up towards the camera, his mouth filled with cock. And suddenly Even’s mind was flashing with images of the blonde kid from the balcony, Noora’s roommate, _Isak_.

Even squeezed his eyes shut, the movements of his hand stuttering before quickening once again as he gripped himself more tightly.

Suddenly he was imagining Isak bracketed between his legs, like the blonde boy from the video, laying on his stomach, bowed lips stretched around Even’s cock.

He could hear himself panting, but he could almost hear Isak moaning around his cock aswell.

Then Isak was leaning back onto his knees, stroking both his own and Even’s cocks in synch, as he bit marks into Even’s thighs.

Even was sweating, it dripped from his head and back almost as profusely as his cock was dripping with pre-cum.

And Isak was lapping and sucking at Even’s balls, one hand stroking Even’s cock firmly, the other pressed lightly against his asshole, teasing.

His hips were stuttering, his hand stroking at an impossible rhythm.

And Even was cumming. Hard.

Hot, white stripes painting his chest and stars blooming beneath his eyes as he squeezed them shut even tighter.

After a moment the only sounds in the room were his own harsh, laboured breathing and the soft moans of the forgotten boys on his screen. He opened his eyes to see the two of them fucking.

He shut off his laptop, setting it onto the ground beside his bed, and used some tissues from his nightstand to haphazardly clean the mess he had created.

He flipped off the light shining from the bedside lamp.

Even then lay down again, flat on his back, and stared into the darkness of his room.

His breathing was still a little laboured.

“Fuck”

 

Wednesday, 13:33

“Why don’t you just cut with us Ev?”

“Because”, he rolled his eyes, exasperated at having to repeat himself _again._ “I have a test tomorrow, like I’ve already told you”

 “Boring”, Julian groaned, shoving him a little. “Think about the pizza man”

“No”, challenged Elias, with a salacious grin. “Think of that hot waitress, whose always wearing those tiny skirts”

“I thought you were getting ‘ _super serious’_ with Anna”, mocked Seb, adding air-quotes.

“So? Doesn’t mean I can’t look”, Elias shrugged, winking at him. “… or touch when she’s not around”, he continued, laughing.

“See Even”, whined Julian. “Come see this prick get turned down, _again_ ”

“I don’t normally have this period free”, Even shrugged, amused by their dramatics. “And if I study now I won’t have to as much later!”

Julian started to speak again.

“Which means I can hang out tonight”, Even continued over him, ignoring their protests.

“Whatever man”, Elias sighed, with over-exaggerated disappointment. “If we _really_ can’t persuade you..”

“No! You can’t”, Even laughed at their glances which remained hopeful.

“Alright, alright”, Seb cut in, dismissive. “If we can’t convince this loser we’ll have to leave him behind”

“Hey!”, Even disputed, though he was still laughing a little.

“See ya Even”, Seb grinned as the three of them walked off in the direction of the school’s back entrance.

“Yeah, see you loser!”, Elias called over his shoulder as they got further away.

Even flipped them the middle finger and turned down an adjacent corridor. He faltered in his step, images he’d conjured the previous night flashing through his mind.

Isak was battling with a locker at the other end of the corridor, looking quite frustrated as he tried to force it open. He must have this period free like Seb, Elias and Julian.

Even blinked away lurid thoughts, shaking his head in exasperation as he felt his neck and face heat up. Was he actually fucking blushing right now? Even wasn’t sure what had gotten into him lately.

He set his jaw and picked back up his typical, confident pace as he strode down the corridor.

As he got closer though, he couldn’t help but steal glances at Isak. It was only the two of them in the long hall.

Even rarely thought of guys as pretty. Attractive; yeah, hot; sure. But not _pretty._

 Isak’s face was all flat planes and hard lines, but then his lips were curved in the most prominent cupid’s bow; it made for a striking contrast. He was wearing a beanie hat today and it was pulled close to his face, though there were still a few wayward curls which had managed to escape around the sides and at the nape of his neck.

He was really quite beautiful in a very boyish way Even realised.

Even kept waiting for him to look up, away from his locker and to Even instead, started to anticipate it almost. He was certain Isak would be curious about his footsteps in an otherwise silent hall, or perhaps that he might even _feel_ Even’s eyes, with the force of what had become blatant staring as he got closer and closer to the boy.

He began imagining scenarios in his head.

Isak would speak first, a small smile on his face, a soft “Hey”.

Or maybe Even would, maybe he’d grin self-assuredly at a slightly surprised look on Isak’s face, grant him a playful “Hi there”.

Or perhaps they wouldn’t speak at all and Isak would widen his eyes in shock, simply staring as Even dragged his eyes up and down him blatantly, offering a cocky smirk.

But he didn’t look up.

He let out a low “Yes” in celebration when the locker had finally bent to his will when Even was almost beside him. But Isak then immediately started rummaging through it, rather than looking around as Even passed by.

And then Even was at the end of the corridor, and turning down another one on his way to the study hall.

Even might have looked back this time.

 

Thursday, 19:46

“Adam Olsen… you know from last year? He messaged me today about buying their bus”

“Their bus was sick man!”, Mikael enthused. “Remember the videos of the stripper pole?”

“I thought you were talking about buying a brand new one Will?”, Chris was looking at William, questioning.

“Yeah”, William replied, a slow smirk spreading across his face. “It’ll have two stripper poles”

“Ayo!”, hollered Elias from across the room, though his eyes were trained to the tv screen; he and Julian were sprawled across the sofa, playing fifa.

 “Yes!”, Chris grinned, slapping William on the back. “That’s what I’m talking about”

“Oh yeah?”, Mikael began, taunting in his voice. “What’s your girl gonna say about that?”

“Shut up”, groaned Chris, shoving at him. “You’re ruining my dreams”

“Noora will be fine”, William stated, quiet assurance in his voice.

“You always say that”, Mikael laughed.

“What do you think Ev?”, Mikael kicked him under the table, startling Even from his reverie.

Even glanced up from his phone to meet Mikael’s narrowed eyes across the table.

“I think we need three stripper poles at least”

Mikael grinned, apparently satisfied that Even had been listening, despite his obvious preoccupation.

They went back to their conversation about buses. Even went back to his phone.

Isak’s Instagram was filled with pictures of his friends, sometimes along with himself. Three other guys recurred a lot; one with ridiculous eyebrows, a kid more blonde than even Isak and a dark skinned boy. There were a few girls included regularly as well; a pretty girl named Eva, who after a bit of further snooping he figured out was eyebrows’ girlfriend, a muslim girl, some other blonde chick who looked weirdly familiar; he was sure he’d had a few strange, forced conversations with her at parties, and even some of Noora.

The skate park occurred a lot also; in the background of group shots, or in videos or pictures of himself or the others skating. There were pictures of music artists as well; rappers mostly, sometimes including quotes from them or song lyrics.

Most of Isak’s captions had seemingly little to do with the actual picture posted and were quite ridiculous, but Even couldn’t help but be reluctantly amused by most of them.

‘Cat hookers anonymous’; Isak with the other three boys, a party raging in the background, all carrying out different, though equally ridiculous, poses.

‘My ride or die bitch’; Isak and eyebrows with squinting grins from the sun in their eyes, skateboards tucked beneath their arms.

‘ain’t no such thing as half way crooks’; a video of Isak failing spectacularly at an attempt to grind along the railing of some steps, the other boys laughing uncontrollably in the background.                                       

‘turtleneck and chain’; the blonde friend and dark skinned boy stood close together with what appeared to be a yoga mat wrapped around the two of them.

‘Figured out I went the wrong route                                                                                                                                                                                                                       So I got with a sick ass clique and went all out’; the four girls, beaming and mid laugh, as they lounged on the ground of what appeared to be a park on a sunny day.

There was a picture of Isak alone, clearly taken by someone else while he wasn’t looking, as he leant against one of the grafitied walls of the skate park. His head was turned almost completely to the side and he was mid laugh, a snap back restraining his curls. His jaw was so sharp, his throat so long and pale.

“…I asked that chick- you know the one who just transferred here, with all the different colours in her hair- to come tomorrow night”, Chris was grinning smugly, sounding quite proud of himself.

“Sick”, Elias; who had migrated from the couch to crowd around the table with the rest of them, enthused.

“Yeah man”, Julian had joined them also. “You know a girl like that is definitely freaky”

“That reminds me though”, Elias continued. “I have a deal to set up tomorrow, that cool?”, he was questioning Chris now.

“Sure”, Chris shrugged, uncaring. “Just don’t get fucking caught”

“Who’s it for?”, Mikael asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“I’m hooking up this second year who wants to start dealing”, Elias replied easily.

“Jonas.. something? Crazy eyebrows.. but he seems chill”

Even’s eyes snapped up from his phone for the first time in a while. Though none of them noticed his suddenly piqued interest.

“I told him he’ll be stepping on Yakuza toes if he’s dealing in the area he lives”, Elias was continuing, chuckling a little. “But he seems to think he can handle it… so who am I to turn down business?”

Elias was smirking then, brimming with self-satisfaction. The others hummed with mild interest in his story, though quickly moved on to talking about other people of importance who would be at Chris’ tomorrow for the party. Even’s mind was in over drive.

“Jonas” who also had “crazy eyebrows” seemed too much of a coincidence not to be the same Jonas who appeared so frequently throughout Isak’s Instagram. Jonas who was going to be at Chris’ house tomorrow, and who might bring Isak with him.

Even paused for a moment, taking a breath.

He clicked ‘follow’.

Even slid his phone into his pocket, inserting himself into the conversation with an easy grin.

 

Friday, 22:19

“Shot?”

“Sure”, Even shrugged with a smile, taking the glass from Mikael’s offering hand.

Even could feel Mikael’s eyes on him; too calculating, too aware. Even glanced away, feigning nonchalance.

Mikael sighed.

“I’m only going to ask once”, Mikael’s voice sounded casual and his face was relaxed as he moved from facing him to standing next to Even, leaning against the wall.

Even could hear the seriousness though, the worry below the surface.

“Ask what?”, Even replied, staring resolutely into the crowd. Because Even was a bastard and didn’t deserve his friends most of the time.

“Alright”, Mikael stated, resigned; he knew he’d gotten the only answer to an unverbalised question he was going to get tonight.

They tapped their shot glasses together before downing the drinks.

There were a few minutes in which they silently surveyed the heaving house, watched the writhing bodies in the centre of the room and groups huddled off to the sides and corners.

“There’s your girl”, Even smirked, nodding his head in the direction of a pretty second year dancing with her friends.

She was swaying with eyes closed and head thrown back in abandon, entirely lost in the pulsing music. Mikael winked at him before heading off in her direction, weaving through the crowding party-goers on the make-shift dancefloor.

And Even was alone again.

From his place against the wall he could see Chris unsurprisingly wound around the ‘girl with all the different colours in her hair’, however, more surprisingly with his other arm around the girl’s girlfriend.

He spotted William disappearing into the garden, hand intertwined with Noora, a soft smile he reserved only for her on his face.

Julian was grinding rather indecently with some blonde first year chick who was probably only interested in showing off a Penetrator hoody; after a while it wasn’t difficult to recognise the type, not that Julian would be likely to care what she wanted as long as he got something in return.

Seb, Simen R and a few other Penetrators had challenged some Bakka girls to a game of beer pong and he could see them laughing and joking around through the screen doors to the patio.

He had an unopened text on his phone from Borkis asking him if he wanted to smoke up with them outside, but Even didn’t much feel like it at that moment.

Even had something else to do tonight. Or _someone_ else to be more precise, an inner voice which sounded suspiciously like Chris snickered.

His mind had been caught up on Isak since this time last week and Even was becoming frustrated with the irrepressible preoccupation. No matter what he did he couldn’t stop thinking about the kid and his stupid eye lashes and ridiculous lips.

If he’d talked to his therapist about it she’d begin flustering about fixation and the early signs of a manic episode.

Mikael would’ve laughed at him and teased him for having gotten his first crush since his last relationship, before becoming more serious and understanding, advising him to do something stupid like ‘follow his heart’ or some other cringey shit.

Chris would tell him he needed to fuck it out of his system.

Well, as it happened he hadn’t talked to anyone about his wandering mind and while he rarely took advice from Chris of all people, hypothetical advice or not, he’d decided to go with what would likely be his friend’s approach on this one.

Even was a Penetrator. He’d realised by now ‘following your heart’ or something equally ridiculous that Mikael was always going on about didn’t fucking work. He was going to find the kid at this party and he was going to screw him senseless and then be done with it.

He took a long drink of beer from the plastic cup clutched between his fingers, scanning the room.

Even caught sight of Jonas first, dressed in a checked shirt and greeting Elias with a grin by the door. He vaguely recognised the others he was with from his stalking of Isak’s social media but he wasn’t able to pay them much mind.

Because Isak was following close behind Jonas.

He was wearing a tight, white shirt that was clinging to his chest and upper arms, an image of reversed crucifixion emblazoned across the centre. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of explicitly tight black jeans. He looked hot as hell.

He seemed discontented though.

Despite the distance Even could see Isak’s rigid frame and his closed off face, his eyebrows furrowed and lips pressed together in a thin line. He was a far cry from the smiley boy in his Instagram photos.

Something was up with him and Even’s heart was hammering, his mind already settling into overdrive with the possibilities of why he might be upset.

The longer he stood watching Isak as he moved further into the room, leaving Jonas behind to talk to Elias, the louder the blood rushing through Even’s ears became. Without much coherent thought he pushed away from the wall and began weaving through the crowd toward him.

As he moved some guy stumbled into him, spilling his drink over Even. The ice-cold liquid shocked him from his trance and he lost sight of Isak for the first time since he’d seen him at the door, his mind screeching to a halt.

Even turned to the guy whose drink had been compromised and he looked petrified.

“I-I’m sorry Even!”, he was stuttering over the music, his hands were outstretched as though he had the desire to attempt to wipe the mess from Even’s shirt but was also too afraid to touch him. The guy had clearly heard the stories; Even had no idea who he was, but _everyone_ knew Even.

Those in close proximity had stopped dancing and talking, turning to watch the encounter instead. They were likely waiting for a fight to break out, hoping probably.

He suddenly wondered if Isak knew who he was, if he’d heard the stories also.

Now that he was refocussed he realised how concerned for the kid he was acting. Concerned for why he seemed unsettled at the door, concerned for his opinion on Even.

Even clenched his jaw for a moment. He didn’t give a fuck about what anyone thought of him, didn’t care about anyone but his friends. He _didn’t._ He’d come to realise that was the way it had to be quite some time ago.

Even spun quickly on his heel and walked in the opposite direction he’d been heading.

He didn’t see Isak for the rest of the night.

 

Saturday, 09:01

Bright sunlight was streaming through the window; no one had remembered to close the curtains or blinds.

The light and heat against his face caused Even’s eyes to flutter open much too soon, jilting him from an uncomfortable, though at the very least, blissfully unaware sleep.

Now that he was awake he realised he was still at Chris’ house, that the wallpaper he was staring at was belonging to one of the spare rooms.

Now that he was awake he could feel what the strange position he’d been sleeping in had caused him, his muscles and joints crying out.

Now he was awake he could also feel the throbbing behind his eyes, queasiness of his stomach and dryness in his throat that all the vodka and jagerbombs and shots had inflicted upon his body.

Now he could hear steady breathing and feel the soft tickling of too-long blonde hair against his back.

He stared at the wall for what felt like hours, though he had no way of knowing how much time had actually passed. White noise consumed his mind.

“So, when will I get my hoody?”, a shrill voice broke through the silence and Even’s blank mind.

He squeezed his eyes shut again, wishing he could return to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ:  
> 1\. The Elias mentioned thus far is the Elias from season one of the show, NOT Elias Bakkoush. Please do not confuse the two.  
> 2\. I began this story before much was revealed about the ballon squad or Even and Mikael's relationship, therefore this will likely not impact much on this story.  
> 3\. I gained inspiration for the names of additional penetrators from images of the hoodies, i.e : https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CzvySW7UAAA5N7s.jpg
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you've enjoyed and will continue to.  
> Also any feedback is much appreciated.


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